stranded

Being a mom is one of my greatest accomplishments. I have been able to devote so much time into being a mom to both of my boys that I really do consider myself lucky. When I had A1 I was young and naive and had to pretty much just wing it and learn as I went along. I went to work and worked a little while when he was a baby but when we all moved out of our home state for the first time, working was put on the back burner and I went to college.

I was able to get three and a half years into my degree there before we had to move. Luckily I was able to work out a thing with my school and I finished the rest of my classes online and came out the other end with a bachelor's in psychology. It's something that I wouldn't take anything in this world for because it's a major accomplishment not only just for myself but for my boys as well. I want them to see that they can do anything if they really set their mind to it. I know, very cliche but still true none the less.

While I was finishing up my degree online I started doing my internship at an alcohol and drug rehab clinic and was very fascinated with the inner workings of the clinic and was able to get a job and work there for a little while. I didn't get to do any counseling but I was able to sit in on sessions and work very closely with the counselors and learn so much from them. I made some pretty great friends here as well. Two that I think for certain will be life long friends.

Circumstances came along and kicked us in the pants and we had to up and move again. This time when moved and I felt like I was all alone because I couldn't get a decent job with the degree I had and the husband and I were really going through hard times. He had to leave me for a short period of time and go stay with his father who was dying of cancer. I pretty much withdrew from everything and stayed home and waited on A1 to get home every day just to chill with him. It was here that we decided to give it a go and have another child so during this whole ordeal I was pregnant. A2 came along and five months later we moved yet again.

This time I told myself that I was just going to devote myself to the kids and this baby and not work until he went to kindergarten. I spent my days cleaning the house, running a few errands, surfing the Internet, but most importantly I would have the entire day to spend with A2 and A1 when he got home from school.

I started feeling a little antsy and like I wanted to actually contribute a little more to society when all of a sudden the husband comes home with news of yet another fucking move. My plans and ideas get shoved to the side in order to find a new house, pack the current one, move, and unpack yet again.

Now don't get me wrong. I knew we were going to have to do this in order for him to work his way up the career ladder. We have been extremely fortunate that he has been able to advance his way up to the top and I'm so proud of him but this moving shit is for the damn birds! So here we are. The most recent move.

I still have tons of boxes to unpack. We've been here since September of 2008. We only brought with us at the time enough stuff to be able to live with because we didn't want our other house to be left completely vacant while we were trying to show it to potential buyers.

Well about January of this year we said screw that and had the movers pack it all up and bring it out here. Now our other house sits empty, still on the market, and sucking up resources.

I have boxes piled up all over my formal living room and if I never unpack a single one of those in there I could give three shits less. My dining room is full of exercise equipment and it wasn't until about two weeks ago that I put our kitchen table together and unstacked the chairs. I told my husband that I am not going to let myself get too comfortable here because first of all, I hate this location, and second of all, I know we will be moving again hopefully within the next year to year and a half.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that our next move will be the final one and we can get back either right in our home state or within no more than a four hour drive from it. Right now we are no less than an eight hour drive from our family and it sucks the life out of me every time we have to make that drive.

I still spend my days cleaning, surfing, writing when the notion strikes, reconnecting with old friends, and most importantly being with my children. I have taken this opportunity to take better care of myself physically too. I still dread working out some days but it's a lot easier for me to make myself do it now that I'm seeing some pretty good results.

Having said all that I still have this gnawing feeling that I need/want to do more with/for myself. A2 is getting bigger and older every day. He'll be four in July. I'm toying with the idea of going back to school for my Master's degree. I found a program in Forensic Psychology that I'd give anything to be able to get into but my husband seems to think I'd be better off going to law school.

I know he has my best interest at heart but it kills me that he is never supportive of what I (ME, the one who will be doing all the studying and work!!) want to do. He feels that spending close to $30,000 for me to go to school for the degree I want will not benefit the family and will be a waste of time.

So who knows I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Somethings going to have to give soon though because I'm starting to feel like the walls are closing in on me and the constant feeling of not contributing anything to society is hard to deal with.

If it seriously weren't for Facebook and being able to reconnect with and chat with old friends I think I would seriously go crazy. I'm being stubborn and probably stupid about it but I have no desire to try to make friends here where we are now because I know in the end this is not where we are going to stay and I'm not good with goodbye.

If you are a stay at home wife/mommy how do you spend your time and do you ever feel like you should be doing more? Are you truly satisfied with your situation? Just curious.

Side note: If you are on Facebook and aren't some crazy stalker person shoot me an email and I'll tell you how to find me. Hopefully you'll be a Farm Town addict too and we can be neighbors!